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What's up YouTube? So I was given some advice to turn my camera sideways so it makes my little videos a lot easier to watch. There we go, awesome. Now right now I'm trying to find every video I've ever made on YouTube where I show off that website and a sextal in question and I'm trying to get those videos off of YouTube because unfortunately showcasing the YouTube videos with free advertisement for that sextal company. One of my videos was flagged for it and it got age restricted because YouTube's like well technically it's not a real woman so yeah and speaking of sextals YouTube you know I talked about the circumstances like I did but at the end of the fucking day I'm not blaming the factories that made the dolls poor quality the way it was shipped and all that bullshit no fuck all that okay at the end of the day I'm still taking responsibility for my actions even if the doll was made poorly made and poorly shipped that doesn't justify destroying it you know and right now I'm frustrated at myself for doing it you know you know we all do things we're not proud of we all do stupid shit when we get angry and I have to live with this regret the rest of my life you know and at this point you know I just a lot of fans are still gonna hate me for that and a lot of people you know it may take them time excuse me a lot of people who may take them time to forgive me you know and that I can understand and a lot of people you know a lot of people on YouTube aren't gonna forgive me for that and when I voiced my concerns to my no spark this pyramid red 100 that I got here now when I talk to my one of my fans on Facebook about it you know about how I feel about about doing stupid shit when I'm angry and destroying that sex doll it's so in a sense in me was definitely high on the list of you know regrets one of my fans on Facebook told me dude honestly I wouldn't worry about it too much because you know you make mistakes blah blah blah it is what it is just enjoy basically what they said what the fan had told me on Facebook was just marvel and enjoy in the other chaos you caused online with that whole scandal and you know when I found out that I was trending on Twitter and Tumblr I thought that you know maybe my guitar playing and my singing and made a difference people are caught on it we're starting to catch on to it you know I'm saying but it wasn't because of that it was because I destroyed a fucking sex doll out of a fan spent a thousand dollars on and you know the anger it came from a lot of trolls on Facebook telling me a bunch of lies it came from you know all those things I mentioned with the circumstances combined with and the end of it which is kind of like adding insult to injury in a way is I'm angry at myself YouTube you know I have to wake up every day knowing full well that I cheated that I cheated on my first girlfriend that I destroyed a sex doll out of a fan sent me you know I have to wake up every day living with that guilt you know waking up every day knowing that in high school I was stalking women and checking them out too much you know I wake up every day with the guilt from those three things and it sucks knowing that I can't have a redo button just to smash that shit like right now right now I'm sure most of the women have forgiven me by now because high school high school you know it seems childish and petty to hold grudges this fucking long and as long as Stephanie's happy or whatever she perceives as happiness then I'm happy for her you know and the difference between the difference between an asshole and a nice guy is you know at least I can admit to my mistakes and at the end of the fucking day you know try to take responsibility form even if I don't do it at first YouTube when this is coming from the heart here you know uh Scotty's mom's a coffee drinker and I was telling her about the Jeff Wish coffee that some fans had sent me so I brought some over for her to try she said she really liked it so yeah she's she wanted to say it like that but she said hey it's good coffee and I've had a couple cups of Jeff Wish coffee so I'm feeling pretty fucking hyper right now she's here as much as I hate deleting videos of mine um you know I don't want my videos getting flagged for sexual content but the most YouTube's gonna do because I'm advertising free advertising for a sex doll website the most they can do is that they they have done is just hatred strict my videos and you know I don't hatred strict my videos because I know that most people should know by now that my channel is not for young kids I drink I cuss I smoke I speak my mind I don't give a shit it's my channel you know and um you know vapor basically said I don't have to pay him back I want to because I feel bad but he said I don't have to just know if I went in the fucking lottery it's gonna happen all you can invite vapor over to my dream house you know we'll kick it like straight up if I won the fucking lottery and I build my dream house okay I'll personally invite vapor over to my dream house and I'll I'd love to cook him his favorite food you know and stuff like that um you know and people are either gonna hate me for this incident or they're gonna forgive me or it may take them time to forgive you know kind of thing and I'm not gonna rush forgiveness take as much time as you need you know some of you probably don't even care you're probably laughing about the whole situation and on top of that before the dolls even fucking sent to me you know I came because I came to this I came to this inner conclusion that I didn't really need it because I'm young enough and if I were to make a couple of life improvements like getting a job and shit like that it would help my chances of getting a real girlfriend and if I want to avoid pregnancy just work on dummy you know be smart about that shit or don't fuck a bitch or don't fuck a girl before she has her period that's just yeah but one thing's for sure you tube if I get a job I'm not gonna tell you I'm gonna start dumping money in the bank saving up unless they probably save it for a car that'd be a bit more productive you know the fact that I still have fans that send me care packages every now and then with food and tobacco what I have you you know like the last care package I got was pretty cool I got some death wish come at the end I got already made meals so hell yeah now I tried posting it on YouTube but the fucking audio was all silenced because my computer barely worked but I got my computer to a point where it works then it freezes and it has to be restarted before it will work again it's better than nothing at least I found a way around my computer barely working for YouTube videos because you know I go to record a video for YouTube on my computer and the fucker just freezes on me and after restart the computer and then I lose the video I record and I was getting so frustrating not being able to provide videos for my fans you know I'm saying YouTube and it's like fuck dude and then finally I got YouTube figured out on my phone and I'm like hell yeah that fixed that issue and then on top of that some motherfucker took a bunch of sound bites from a ton of my videos and made sound audio because they realized that they were to try to YouTube poop it it wouldn't look right so they took a cartoon drawing of me in my homeboy Scotty and picture me at once I had picture of Scotty on the other and they added sound file to it and the sound file this person added to it they basically like I said they basically took a bunch of little sound bites from different videos of mine and they made a really fucked up sound audio and they added stupid sound effects to it and they basically made fun of me call me like a homo and shit and I'm straight you know I'm saying YouTube I like it the pussy you know I'm saying no not only do I like pussy but I'm good at eating it you know and when I got people calling me a faggot and shit on YouTube I just fucking laugh because what I can work confidence when I wear eyeliner because I'm comfortable enough with my own sexuality and who I am as a person as a goff and a metalhead and it pisses people off and I'm so comfortable with myself because they're not comfortable with themselves and when people are not comfortable with who they are as a person some people take out that confusion by attacking others who are confident in themselves because they see that I'm confident in myself and I'm not afraid to be me and it unhinges them it fucking nerves them YouTube and they do shit like that because they want to get to me my homeboy Scotty saw the video with the fucked up sound bite YouTube bullshit and I reported the accounts several times to fucking YouTube and so far they haven't removed it and it's starting to piss me off I copied the person's YouTube account and posted it to my Facebook and let people know what's going on you know that I got some asshole fucking harassing me on YouTube you know and I did nothing to deserve it you know honestly my computer barely working that's karma from me destroying that sucks to all and for me losing my temper and punching it you know the best way to describe that and you know the fact that vapor basically said that you know I'll still watch your videos that YouTube I'll never forget that YouTube and the reason why is because it shows his true character you know what I'm saying it shows he's a bigger and better person than I am you know I mean I literally advertised this doll on a video before cooking and my shit got flagged I had head number 47 picked out you know wig number 14 all this shit picked out and it's just like you know these are things to consider if you're in the market first if you're in the market for something like that but if you're in the market to spend like $2,670 on a sex doll like holy shit that's a bit pricey you know and that's money I'm not gonna have for a for a while you know forever you know and you know being lonely and socially awkward sucks you know a lot of women will judge me at first appearance because they don't know me you know I'm saying and you know out of friend who saw that and they tried to help you know and the fucking circumstances are what they are and now I'm dealing with the regret and self-loathing and self-hates and self-anger for destroying it and a lot of people on YouTube have said that it was given to me as a gift that it was mine to begin with that I shouldn't feel guilty about destroying it and people who are saying shit like that don't get it you know and when like the second the first time I post a whole my computer it still works just fine even with the crack on the screen but then the last time I was on my computer a second time a couple months after that I was tapping you with my finger on the screen and that made it worse and when I unplugged my computer for a couple days YouTube I took the time to reflect and between destroying the sex doll and fucking my computer screen things that were given to me to make my life less miserable than I feel half the time you know you take the time to really reflect upon my life decisions like I have been you know and I try to grow as a person I learned from my mistakes but for the future if you're gonna send me stuff please YouTube don't don't send me sex toys okay like I don't know you know it's just well I kind of feel like and this is my conundrum for it is even though you know it kind of hurts my chances even more with the women I feel like you know like if you're trying to get a girlfriend and shit women see you with this fucking sex toy or whatever and women immediately okay women will get grossed out by men with sex toys and it's double standard bullshit yes I agree you know because there are plenty of women who buy deals and and fucking vibrators and shit and you know one bat's an eye at it you know but the man gets a sex doll or whatever you know but at the same time you know I already struggle with social interaction because of my ass burgers oh there he goes again with his ass you know what fuck you okay I get tired of people saying I use my ass burgers as an excuse I get tired of people saying that I blame my ass burgers on everything no I fucking don't okay there are some things I can't control because of my ass burgers you know and I cope with the deal with it the best I can the worst part about having ass burgers syndrome YouTube and all honesty is when I develop crushes you know I crush on women just like any other normal guy but any normal heterosexual guy I should say you know what I'm saying but the problem is is when somebody with ass burgers syndrome likes something they become obsessed with it and when you're crushing on a girl you know you get what I'm saying and it's not healthy you know especially if the girl doesn't like you back dealing with that growing up really fucking sucks so you deal with rejection and heartache a lot differently than most people would and the thing if it is YouTube is people get rejected it's a part of life you know but I want to put at least $8,000 in the bank when I get a job so I can save it for a car you know I'm saying YouTube yeah because I think having a car would be cool and $8,000 I could I could build a pretty sweet route ride for 8,000 you know traveling to gigs and shit and I don't want people to think that I'm taking the circumstances of the whole sex stuff you have scar I don't want people I don't want people to think that I'm taking the circumstances and blaming that because I'm not I don't want to sound like that you know I'm saying and because I acknowledge that I really really fucked up and I have to live with that guilt and that pain the rest of my fucking life you know and the difference between asshole men and nice guys is that a nice guy like me realizes that realizing this now you know that's part of making mistakes is in the future when you realize how bad you fucked up it hurts even more YouTube it hurts even more is I had like awesome relationship with Stephanie and I fucked that up by cheating on her and I have to live with that knowing you know but knowing enough to learn from my mistakes that's what's about YouTube you know and I don't want to say it as an excuse you know you know getting rejected by women's socks and then when you finally get the chance to get some pussy it's like it's life changing you know it's like it shows you that you can accomplish the impossible and it's it's inspiring there it is trying to find my rollers like in a roller cigarette but yeah right now I got my phone on the charger and I had a lot of things on my mind and yeah I needed a place to you know kind of clear the air and looking back on it now I kind of wish that I just sort of kept it in the box and sent it back instead of destroying it that way at least you could have gotten this money back instead of wasting it you know think if it is YouTube we all do stupid shit when we're angry sometimes and we all make mistakes and we're not proud of and the only thing you can do is admit to your mistakes and learn from them because in all honesty nobody's perfect just knowing that just knowing that a lot of my fans aren't even upset by the whole incident that they still got my back no matter what you know that that really means a lot YouTube especially when I get depressed like I did around this time of year I talked about that any video I posted today as a matter of fact and the reason why I get depressed around the fucking holidays is because people are so goddamn greedy around this time of year it makes me sick to my stomach now there are a lot of good people out there who have good hearts around Christmas and all that good shit and it's awesome to see and hear about but so many motherfuckers are so many motherfuckers around this time we hear get greedy and it just it makes me sick to my stomach YouTube motherfuckers killing each other on black Friday just something like me the first person in line to buy some shit for their spoiled ass bridey kid it just oh it irks me to no end kind of makes you feel like that a lot of people have lost the true spirit of Christmas if they're killing each other on black Friday's shopping doesn't it nobody likes hearing the truth but goddamn it someone's got a fucking saying it I mean the fact that you're legally allowed to camp out day like a day in advance before black Friday sales even pop off like the fact that people are you know shouldn't that concern you just a little bits the fact that people are even willing to camp out in their car days in advance before black Friday shopping happens fucking shit and piss in a bag where diapers if they fucking have to it's disgusting it's like okay I get it buying stuff when it's on sale is awesome because you save money I get that but it's not just a little bit excessive I mean goddamn it dude makes me fucking sick to my stomach there's so many fucked there's so many fucked up things in our society YouTube but there's so many fucked up things in our society that I want to change and fix but I can't because I don't have that kind of power and at the okay YouTube and at the end of the fucking day at the end of the fucking day you know I've come to I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't do me any good to get pissed off about things I can't change and the only reason why the only reason why people fucking do shit to fuck with me on the internet is because they're jealous of my fame they're jealous of me and my home with Scotty and both of us have the potential to go places with our YouTube shit and people see that and people respect that or people hate it and it's just you know and the only thing you can do when you deal with crap like that on the internet you gotta keep making videos you gotta show these haters that you're not gonna let their immature bullshit get to you that it's not gonna stop you from making videos you know that is the only thing you can do at this point and if you see people making fun of you on YouTube like that flag your channel for impersonation and sexual harassment because that's basically what they did when you're taking sound bites from a shit ton of my videos and editing the audio to lie about my sexuality like that on YouTube is to make fun of me just for a quick laugh because ha ha you're showing somebody with autism and his friend who's legally blind you know I mean it's just disgusting you know the only thing you can do is report it and report it and report it until YouTube takes it down and the fact that even steal my YouTube user icon I have a profile picture that I use on YouTube and they steal my photos off my Facebook off my YouTube and they use it to create fake ass accounts to fuck with me and it's ridiculous and then it goes even further than that I've had people who create fake accounts on Facebook pretending to be girls that are interested in me and it's sick what people do to make fun of me is disgusting anybody who watches me go through it watches me talk about it it's like bro how the fuck you know would you put up for something like that it's not easy YouTube you know there's some days I just want to fucking quit YouTube just so I just so I don't have to put up with it because I get so sick and tired of the harassment and honestly if you anybody wearing my shoes regarding that issue you fucking hate it too right you know you try to post videos out there on YouTube saying hi I'm Josh this is my autism I don't let it define me fuck the haters be yourself you know saying kind of thing and for a lot of people that's intimidating seeing somebody who's just that fucking real you know they don't know how to they they don't know how to handle it and I understand that but attacking somebody because you're jealous of their fame or jealous because they're not afraid to be themselves it just shows how fucking pathetic you are and the fact that haters are so hell bent and obsessed with fucking with me that they're going to sit through hours of my content to collect one word just so they can copy and paste that one word into a stream of a long of a like a 20 minute video and then use it to fuck with me you know and it's just horrible you know and I reported to Facebook because I know I have a lot of mother fuckers who got my back on Facebook who know people on YouTube who can get the shit taking care of you know and the fucking dick bag that makes those videos about me uses uses the same YouTube handle as me King cobra JFS but he spells cobra with a K and it's like how stupid do you think I am when the account was created in November and has like three videos versus the real King cobra JFS right here that has well over 1100 videos on my channel plus the 4000 plus growing subscribers you know it's like how stupid do you think people are you know you know this is something I would say to people if you're that hell bent on fucking with me on the internet that you're gonna productively spend time to make sound by YouTube poop of me and my homeboy Scotty and then and or create fake accounts on Facebook to pretend to be girls that are interested in me just to fuck with me or do the same shit on YouTube I got people who make YouTube poops of different chicks on Facebook aren't I thought I've also had people take different videos of chicks on YouTube and pretend to be girls that are interested in me and shit like that and people do it because they want to see a reaction they want to see me get pissed but when they don't see me get pissed about it and they see me continue to make videos and be like you know whatever it pisses them off so they try harder I've been trying to sell t-shirt designs on t-spring trying to make a extra cash while I'm job hunting and my t-shirt sales aren't selling like I thought they would and I never got the money that um from the other t-spring campaign that wasn't underneath my profile I checked my PayPal account and never showed up so the ones with the people riding the horses with me riding the horse I think a lot of people after a lot drama and discord went down cancel their order and shit so I don't know I try to make fan merch that fans want to purchase and probably wear and you know but here's the thing YouTube and this is for any potential employer that may stumble across my video here in town if I get a job here in town I'm not even gonna mention it you know because that's the best way I can think of to keep my work and my YouTube career separate but I have a feeling that I might get one here soon and you know it'll really help you right now with it being the Christmas season a lot of jobs are already taken because people are trying to make extra cash for the holidays and on top of that the economy and cash but really fucking sucks so job market I here is really tough and being unemployed the last four months you know and the only thing you can do at the end of the day YouTube is take each day one at a time you you know before I got that sex doll sent to me I'd given up on the idea and then I got it in the mail and I was so happy and then a whole bunch of fuckery happened like my computer barely works but it'll like freeze up a little bit and then I'll try to restart button to get it to work and sometimes it doesn't log in right away so you gotta restart it restart it again but it works for a little bit and that's what counts yeah so like on the frill though so it's on fucking real YouTube it really is so and cool off on that tobacco for a minute you know and it's just this so then again who the fuck am I kidding might switch it up oh wait I got something to do with my pipe I'm gonna cash that real quick so is it even going to probably not maybe hey like I had this thing picked out and then I'm like hey I've spent the money on more productive things I bet I might dummy Sean give me shit about it fucking real love sex dolls calm uh 157 cilimeter 5 foot 2 d cup d cup sex doll what the fuck skin color why does the snow god damn head number 47 what in the actual flying fuck green eyes wig number 14 fixed with jj four cilimeter area all the size pink area all the color labia color pink pubic here none none nude nude french manicure black toenail polish stand up foot gloves you regulator and shipping box wow that's crazy yeah it's still 2670 box like damn Daniel let us fixed for jr the options they have on this a laughable youtube uh what the hell is this new and improved doll inspection service okay real love sex dolls calm what is what is this what is this inspection inspection service let's click on it see what it says and now i'm not going to show the website on my youtube camera anymore because i don't know what my video is getting flagged but why am i browsing that doll for a laugh like huh for a laugh youtube like huh i can't believe how stupid i was for wanting something like that i feel silly for it that oh ha ha you're so sure not good with women and you want a sex doll ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha okay i read to you what it says many of you may have noticed that we recently just continued our in-house doll inspection service we have now put in place a new and improved method that is better all around the reasoning behind the change is that once a doll has left the factory and been shipped to us for an in-house inspection if a mistake or flaw was found we then had to work backward on fixing the problem which we found to be highly inefficient way of dealing with the issues as well as making the customer wait time longer than we'd like so in our ongoing effort to provide the best possible service to our customers we have upgraded how we do our quality check inspection we now have two dedicated rlsd which stands for real love sex dolls quality control personal position and each or not each blah and the factory that each perform a 50 point inspection in succession quality checking the doll and verifying the accuracy of each order before it ships from the factory we expect this new and improved quality check protocol will help to make sure dolls are in perfect condition and the order is totally accurate before it leaves the factory addressing any issue will still while still in the factory where they can be handled immediately upon discovery will also help to ensure customers receive their dolls faster providing our customer an excellent doll buying expert providing okay providing our customers an excellent doll buying experience is extremely important to us this is an investment toward the end and we are proud to offer it at no additional charge for every single doll order doll checking service quality control provided to you by provided to you by reallovesex dolls dot com appearing on bones the tv series this fall real love sex dolls this models completely against leaders collect further you know something you know and when I got the doll in the mail sent to me by the fan it wasn't that one but I was still internally grateful and the fact that I given up on the whole doll idea in the first place you know it still made me happy and now I feel like absolute shit because I have nothing to cuddle with at night and I heard a big time fan from doing that and if you have any idea how genuinely sorry I feel for what I've done you too I have to you know it just fuck if only I could turn you know that one song by share if I could turn back time and at the end of the fucking day I'm like you know better options man and you tube you know I'm considering it just giving up on love all together you know and relationships and sex and all that bullshit I'm considering it and the only reason I'm considering it YouTube is because I get tired of getting rejected it hurts while I'm not good enough you know that's exactly what it feels like it's not like you're not good enough and then options like that present themselves and then fans try to help and then it turns into a fucking fiasco because I lose my temper and believe the lies that people were spreading on Facebook and you know and at the end of the fucking day I'm not blaming the shitty circumstances and the way that doll was handled I'm not going to be blaming the way it was made I'm not going to be blaming the trolls who lied to me on Facebook because all that aside I still did what I did I'm taking full responsibility for it as a man talking to YouTube and that's all I can do YouTube you know you can take it or leave it but if you refuse to forgive me for what I've done it's just going to make watching my videos sour you know YouTube and the only reason I even looked that shit up for this video was because I was because I wanted a laugh I wanted a laugh at the idea that I even considered buying something like that and saving up for it like who am I kidding that would just make my social awkwardness with women even worse most most women YouTube when this is brutal honesty most women if they come home to a guy's house most women if they see a guy's got a sex doll just sitting there on his bed they're going to be like why the fuck does he need me then he's got already got something to fuck you know and some women either get insecure because of all the dolls made to be a fantasy item really and then you know that and a lot of women are grossed out and creeped out by the idea of men having sex dolls and shit like that like I said and you know sex dolls are sex dolls are kind of hard to hide even if you put them in the closet when real women come over you know kind of thing they're still yeah we're for women if they're using vibrators and shit that's a lot easier to be more discreet you know I bitch about being lonely and my fans started to send me sex toys to help with that and I make the dumbass mistakes that I do you didn't see me just wear the sex doll on camera but after my heat of after my heat of anger was over YouTube I cried a little bit at what I had done you know I don't know you too when I drink coffee I get hyper and I've had a lot of shit on my mind lately and then it comes back to me hating myself hating myself for wanting a sex doll in the first place you know thinking of myself how pathetic am I you know and most people get a sex doll because they're sick and tired of being rejected and they want some companionship and somebody or something that never says no at this point YouTube all I can do is just take one day at a time and then I just take one day at a time and then I just take one day at a time it's unbelievable and that's just the thing of it YouTube is when I make the mistakes like I do and then the computer quit working for a couple of years because I unplugged it I took that time to take a long hard look at myself well this video is going to take a long ass time to post but I don't know if people can forgive me YouTube then I need to learn to forgive myself you know what YouTube I have an idea and it sounds like the smartest idea I've had in a while considering I've been through a lot of bullying and harassment on YouTube I'm used to dealing with pain and heartache and bullshit one and two you know I'm not going to give up on sex and relationship with women I'm not going asexual fuck that shit that's just stupid but right now I should focus on getting a job and getting better at guitar that will help improve my life a little bit I mean chances are I'll still have a hard time getting a girl snows me even with the job but at least I'll have money to financially support myself and you know I don't know the reason why I say I don't know is because I'll talk a lot of mad shit self-doubting myself my ability with ladies and shit like that but I stop and think about it and there are a couple of chicks that are legit on my Facebook page and I'm friends with that are pretty fucking spoken hot on top of that I got fans across the world you know I got a lot of chicks on YouTube that dig my shit and some of them are actually pretty attractive I'm not going to lie good majority of them anyway and if you got chicks that blindly follow you on YouTube like some cult leader you know why the fuck do I say shit like oh I can't get a go from blah blah blah you know I'll sit there and say shit like I can't get a go from that's hard blah blah blah but then I'll the fuck do I meet Stephanie you know which is a fair point I remember how I met Stephanie I was in the job core and I just got over this crush on this one girl that I had and at that point I was like I need to focus more on job core and getting that out of the program and all that and out of the blue my friend Emma oh shit good thing that wasn't lit out of the blue my friend Emma who also has aspirators was like oh my friend Stephanie Peterson likes you would you like to meet her you know and how often do women actually admit that they like me there's a fair few but it doesn't happen too often and there are a lot of women that probably find me really attractive but they're secretive about it because they don't want to admit it you know they want a lot of women a lot of women want to act like they're creeped out by me but they secretly find me attractive and it's kind of funny but at the same time when I found that out it's like huh that's kind of cool and the back of my mind I'm like or if she's cute you know give her a chance to see what happens you know and so I decided to go for it and I ended up eating my first girlfriend in two years goes by so quickly and two things one I really fucked up that relationship whatever chance I had saving it is not going to happen because it's just you know it is what it is two seeing how Stephanie is from not being with her, seeing how manipulative she can be towards others kind of makes me think I'm glad I broke up with her and three you know all things considered you know Stephanie actually is kind of cute you know and I'm saying that with all honesty YouTube you know and four and the fourth thing that was the third thing and the fourth thing is Stephanie had no idea what sex felt like before she met me and after Stephanie met me what she told me is she really liked sex now did she really did she really like sex after meeting me for the was it yes and I think that definitely could be the case being as I was her first and one of girls first impression of sex is she really likes it especially after she has sex with you and even though it's you and her first time kind of thing that itself YouTube should give me confidence and it should be enough confidence that internally I need to overlook my flaws and I need to learn to be a bit more confident in myself and truth be told YouTube it's very easy okay it's very easy to self-doubt and hate yourself and have no confidence in yourself when a lot of women reject you you know like straight up it's very easy to do all those things because you're already feeling like shit from the rejections you're like why not you know but at some point you have to think to yourself YouTube why that's only going to make things worse at that point you know you're already feeling like crap from the rejection and sometimes you know sometimes you don't always think about how making yourself feel worse about it doesn't help the situation you know if you bitch about women not funny or attractive and having confidence issues and then not trying at all one thing for sure you to improve my life a little bit first before making me like because getting into a relationship with some with the girl okay getting into a relationship with any girl it's a commitment it's a responsibility and it's not a requirement having a girlfriend is not a requirement in life it is merely a perk it's not required to function in life but it makes life a little bit sweeter especially when you meet a girl that you have a really good connection with and means definitely not a really good connection and I really fuck that up but like I said after seeing how she is from a different perspective you know how manipulative she can be and shit you know she's very quiet and very shy girl yes at first and she over thinks a lot of shit but beneath that she can also be very manipulative and it's just yeah it's nice to meet a girl that has similar taste in music as you do it it makes that first awkward conversation of breaking the ice and you know getting to know somebody it makes that process a lot easier and you meet somebody if you meet a girl that you have a lot in common with it makes the transition go a lot more smoothly and if you have a lot in common you know truth be told it's gonna make conversation goes smoothly which the chain reaction you know when she first meets you like anything anybody else you know if you're on a first date with somebody or what have you you get nervous it's just like getting nervous for a job interview it's perfectly natural but when you manage to score a date with somebody that you find physically attractive you know when you manage to score a date with somebody that you find physically attractive and she looks at you like alright I'll give her a chance to see what happens you know and you master impresser and you both click really well together you know magical things can happen but and this is honestly the best device I could give anybody a good relationship is like crafting a good cigar or a fine wine good things should not be rushed good things like fine wine and good cigars are best when they're aged are best when they're cured and aged and handled with care and proper procedure and when they're aged to perfection at the end of the day you go to sip on that fine wine or puff on that fine cigar to taste the fruits of your labor to enjoy the exquisiteness of it to bask in your hard work it pays off because it makes the enjoyment of your labor worth it and it's like I said in my video where I talked about my thoughts on abortion okay it's just like what I said asshole guys will turn ladies into sluts and sluts will turn gentlemen into asshole guys that is the honest fucking truth of it and you know getting mad at somebody or getting mad because you get rejected all the time and taking your frustration out on their rejection but cheating on your first girlfriend it's pretty fucking shallow you know if anything you should be cherishing the fact that you found out a girlfriend say that doesn't make any fucking sense does it but to think like that and when you know and when I did she got Stephanie I was drunk and at the time Stephanie had moved to Casper with me and it was long distance I was missing her and you know that's not one of the brightest things I've done when I'm drunk this probably the stupidest thing I've done when I was drunk to be honest with you YouTube and here's the thing if I were to keep my fucking mouth shut excuse me and here's the thing YouTube if I were to keep my fucking mouth shut Stephanie never were to found out and you know this is what I get for having a conscience it was eating at me at the back of my mind a little voice inside my head like the little voice on the side of my head that's like you piece of shit scumbag fuck you get rejected by women throughout high school and some of your job core experience you hate it it's miserable you finally get the chance to get a girlfriend who's not half bad looking and actually clicks well with you and you fuck it up and you fuck it up you idiot what the fuck were you thinking you gotta tell her you can't keep that lie from her relationships are not healthy based off of lies and secrets and this is the unfortunate truth of it YouTube is that if you're in an intimate boyfriend girlfriend type relationship or any intimate relationship and if you're keeping lies and secrets from your significant other you may not think that it'll affect you in the short term but in the long term life has a funny way of airing out your dirty laundry in a sense so even if you try to keep those lies and secrets from your significant other eventually they work their way to the surface whether you intend to for them to or not and the guilt of keeping that from Stephanie in line to her about it even though she didn't know about it just knowing that I finally had a girl that gave me a chance and you know she wasn't half bad looking and we clicked well together and shit like I feel bad you know and that kind of guilt is the only thing in the only that kind of guilt alone is the only thing that brought me to do what I did as far as confessing to it but then upon confessing to it I felt better about getting that guilt off my chest and all that kind of thing but in the long run it fucked me in Stephanie's relationship up you know cheating on her in the long run and you don't realize it when you're drunk and horny missing your girlfriend and making stupid mistakes you know but for the record every girl and every girl that I've had sex with has not complained some of them have even complimented me that itself should be a confidence booster you know and if I could let that show my confidence but not be any this is the thing of it YouTube this oh oh oh let's break up another blow to back oh this is the thing of it YouTube if I have confidence in myself you know as a sexy attractive young gothic musician and what have you you know I need to realize that too much confidence I come off as an arrogant prick and nobody wants to be around that honestly but no confidence and chicks are just gonna you know whatever but just enough confidence and you know guarantee you that you know chicks will notice this whole video was for me to learn to laugh at myself and forgive myself for my mistakes and laughing at myself is a lot easier than forgiving myself for my mistakes yeah that's just truth right there and also the bitch about trolls because they can be so ruthless sometimes and it's like their whole life is just flashing before their eyes and they're wasting their lives to pick on somebody like me who has autism I feel sorry for the trolls that bully me YouTube I really do I feel sorry for the trolls who bully me on social media because they have no life people who make fun of me on YouTube and say you're the saddest YouTube I've ever seen you have no life you're so pathetic oh you think my life is okay if you think that my life is depressing if you think my life is depressing the life of one of my YouTube slash internet bullies the life of the people who bully me on the internet the life of internet bullies in general is just the saddest excuse for existence ever you know they get their kicks off of watching other people get pissed off and react on YouTube it doesn't financially get them anywhere it doesn't physically help them in life it just gives them something to laugh at you know and at the end of the fucking day I'm like oh look at that I'm providing entertainment for these trolls and for my fans you know and a fucked up way to look at it though is that trolls get you subscriptions you know because when people see other people obsessively hating on somebody for whatever fucking reason or obsessively picking on them it's gonna draw attention okay it's going to draw attention to that person people are gonna be like people are gonna be like okay this dude's getting bullied on YouTube what's his story or this you know this person is blah blah blah you know but I feel like I've said my piece for this video and I don't want to make this video any longer than it has to be but an hour and 20 fucking minutes long dude but I felt like this video was kind of needed you know it's not pathetic that I wanted to suck stall to begin with it's understandable in my circumstances it's understandable but I get on a caffeine rush and the urge just in the urge just clear somewhere you know fucking stand up feet what the fuck is that shit stand up feet what's so your doll doesn't have to have a fucking stand to sit on technology is crazy beside the point beside a fucking morning I don't know how else to convince people I'm sorry I am for my actions you know I like I really don't you know this is our long video me basically taking responsibility for what I did now I wouldn't have read that little bit from that little bit from real love sex dolls dot com that little bit sometimes laughing about things helps you see things in a different perspective perspectives I don't fucking know and you're starting to realize that spending that kind of money and you know you can find one that you could find one that's you know cheaper and still gets the job done fucking and then your fans acknowledge that and they should have helped you and you know fuck I wouldn't even know what to fucking call this video I got a negative a title learning from my mistakes that's a good title and I think when I don't know I don't fucking know anymore I definitely had enough coffee to cups of that strongest death wish coffee you know I mean the circumstances were legit but despite the circumstances for what they were you know like I said that's no excuse for my actions you know I get doesn't matter if the doll was poorly made it doesn't matter that it was shipped to me and it was handled roughly and they're you know I'm saying I'm trying to pick at this and the back of my head and I remember when I got it like looking back on it now I didn't see it around a way but looking back on it now like when I got the doll there was already a tear in the vagina and it was fresh out of the factory but I don't know they might use a different company and they did I don't know YouTube and it's irrelevant at this point it really is the point at this video is that I'm I learn from my mistakes and sometimes I learn from my mistakes before it's too late that's when it hurts me and others the most you know I hate going through this roller coaster of emotions from shit like this it just... well anyway you two this video is going to take a long ass time to upload but thank you for listening to me self-talk and rant a little bit here and there and you know all that or self-motivate whatever the fuck you want to call it and it doesn't matter what you're buying online really at the end of the fucking day at the end of the fucking day it doesn't matter what you're buying online every company needs to have that policy that quality controls everything if you're trusting somebody with your money to buy something then an mutual agreement that's undiscussed but it's required and accepted and what have you and expected if you're buying a product online you want to make sure the product is delivered to you like it's supposed to be properly if you want to call it that and looking back on it if I were to see now I'm looking back on it I wish I just you know I wish to just sort of kept the doll in the box and been like it seems like I got the doll out of the box I wish I would have seen all the defects from the poor factory job and rough handling and shipping you know I could have just been like no putting it back in the box and I could have let people know and it wouldn't have been an issue that would have been a much better outcome than what I did and that's often the irony in learning from your mistakes YouTube is that you see the way you could have handled things differently and if anything that just makes me feel worse about the whole thing yeah I'm going to end the video Lord another bowl tobacco and upload this video yeah I'll keep making content I'm not going to let these haters stop me from making content fuck them thanks for watching YouTube
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